Signed Mae

March of the....

2009-05-20T21:34:00.000-07:00

Penguin. I'm like a penguin. Or elephant, but people usually associated either weight gain or hunger towards elephants so I'll stick with the penguin. They go through so much, live a boring life just to produce more life and to sustain the life they have. I don't think the word "life" could of been used more in that sentence.

The point is, when they chose a mate, it's for life. When their mate dies, they mourn it.

I'm like a penguin.
I've already found the person that I want to be with. To the point where I can honestly say I've been Emma (Jane Austin) and have prayed to God for him to just stay single. Because that would be more tolerable. hah.

I'm a penguin.

He's changed, but yet so have I. To the point where I feel I'm practically using another guy just to provoke jealousy. What has become of me? I'm frightened to know the answer.

At this rate, I don't think I could get married.
At the risk of divorce and death, I would just go mad.

I've been saying I'm trusting God, but really I'm just trying to race into the kitchen to grab the cookie before mommy finds out.

This is ridiculous.
I've lost touch with me, and I have to draw the line.
Looks like Emily Bronte will be having some one on one time with me for the rest of this week.

Erm..

2009-03-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

Alright, so the last post was a bit dramatic. At least about my father.

I went to see the movie Bolt with him, then went to Arby's afterward.
Thus it was all good.

High tension just built up a bit, I suppose.

I felt much better after that rant though. :)

Well, I'm a little black rain cloud of course.

2009-03-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

Feels like today was the first ray of sunshine I've had in a while. & I'm not just talking about the weather. Ironic though that I wore my new yellow t-shirt, but then it rained. hah. reminded me of Harold and Maude. This strange 70s movie. Anyways. my favorite scene is when everyone is leaving the cemetery. Everyone is obviously wearing black and they all have their umbrella's open because the rain has started to cascade down. Standing out from all of the drab black umbrella is Maude with her flamboyant yellow umbrella. I love that image.

Everything has just been awful lately though. I have now realized how much my ex boyfriend is really NOT into me. (yes, I saw that movie) and that I won't get him back. So I just get to watch him three days a week flirt with all the other girls, even hang out with him outside of school and completely ignore me. I'm so jealous and upset all at the same time that it's sickening. Because I know those stupid girls don't notice his flirting.. I know how interested he is in one of them. She has a boyfriend for heaven's sake! I feel so alone. So utterly alone. He was my summer last year. He was the person I called when I was bored. He was the person who let me know I was not alone and I am completely cut out of his life in every way and I get to watch him make a new one. SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!

ALSO~! I keep hearing him constantly mention eloping. I have heard him say eloping about three times in one hour. That totally hurts because my father told me that he was more than willing to give me and this boy money to get eloped. && this boy knew that. BAH!

So. I'm home for most of my life right now. & I'm miserable. I hate this house. I love my parents, but they're driving me crazy and are the constant reminder of how badly I really don't have a life. I cannot drive, I cannot escape. I feel so alone socially and it's miserable.

&& Don't get me wrong. I know God is there. He never leaves me. He is my strength. His love is more pure than anyone. I know.

but. I had a good day today. I spaced out my school so I was always busy, always had something to do. & I wore a bright color shirt and got out of the house to buy new body wash with my mom. I love body wash.

& I get to hang out with Melissa tomorrow, even though she always talks about her boyfriend. But I'm spending the weekend with my dad; he talks to himself (or could be to me) about stuff no one cares about and just goes on and on about it or the cats I swear he talks to the cats more that he does humans. I dare not even comment on his temper. fun fun. Maybe we'll go see Bolt.

I said 'but' a lot in this post.

Hugged by Beth Moore!

2009-01-26T19:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I asked for a hug, but still I've been going through a lot and it felt good to be hugged by such a Godly woman.

I am very stressed out right now. I've never been so jumpy every time my phone buzzes or so desperately sick at my stomach when I have time to dwel on things.

I'm trying very desperately to cling onto the Lord.

I went to the Travis concert at Woodstock. It was amazing and just what I needed to boost my spirit. I am a powerful woman in Christ, no earthly thing can pluck me from His hand!

This is slightly random, but after the luncheon in were I got to meet Beth and some of the siestas, there was cupcakes that had life verses on them.

Well this is my life verse:

Isaiah 41

10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

Ever feel your on a commercial?

2009-01-08T14:25:00.000-08:00

Like those commercials that tell you to live life then buy whatever product they're selling. Huggies! New and approved with extra absorbency. I know my tear ducts would probably like a diaper about now. Not that I particularly like crying, but it's sort of like a trade mark of mine. Trust me, you could ask anyone in my family. All I wish is that my life could for one gleaming moment not be so stressful, and for me in that moment not try to stir anything up!

Anyways, welcome to my world. I joined this because I wanted to get in touch with some of the siestas I met in Texas.